Window to my Feelings
by Suzie1989
Summary: Short angsty piece. You have been warned.


**This is dedicated to my grandad who very sadly passed away seven years ago today. Everything I do now is for the ones I love just as he once told me to do.**

**This is a oneshot. I set it far in the future bacuse I wanted to show that time does not necessarily heal all wounds. The peom at the end is mine, I know it's not very good, in fact the entire story isn't that good but it shows some of the emotions that I have felt and no doubt what some of you have felt.**

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2nd April 2014

Ronnie was sat at the kitchen table in her very small flat. In front of her was two lockets, a bottle of vodka, a bottle of pills, a pen and some paper. Her face was a mess, her makeup had being ruined as she had been crying all morning. What her friends and family didn't know was how she had been crying for the last seven years. They didn't know how she had been slowly dying ever since her daughter was killed. And they most certainly didn't know what she was planning to do today.

She wiped the tears away, smudging her makeup even more, and slowly began to write. When she was finished she carefully folded the letter and placed it in an envelope. On this she wrote; Danielle.

Ronnie then wrote another letter, this time to Roxy.

She picked up the letters, the vodka and pills and walked through to the sitting room. She placed the letters on the coffee table, sat down and began taking the pills.

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Roxy knocked on the door. She knew all to well what day it was and she wished to check on her sister. Roxy knew that Ronnie had never got over Danielle's death and she believed that her grief was the reason behind her mistakes. Roxy had stood by her sister when she had tried to get pregnant, and failed, when she had torched R&R after Jack had told her to get over herself and when she had hired somebody to kill Archie.

When Ronnie didn't answer the door or her phone Roxy used her key to get in, she figured that Ronnie was probably in bed ignoring the world around her. Though Roxy didn't expect what was about to greet her.

Her sister lying on the sofa, face down with one arm over the edge. An empty vodka bottle on the floor and an equally empty pill bottle on the table.

Roxy tried in vain to revive Ronnie. She even called an ambulance but the moment the paramedics said there was nothing more they could do her world crumbled. She wished she was with her sister and niece but was brought back to earth when she remembered she had her own daughter to care for.

Roxy was now in her bedroom about to read the letter which was addressed to her. She hadn't noticed the two envelopes on the table; it was the paramedic who handed them over after he had ensured she would be able to get home alright.

With trembling hands she opened it, slightly ripping the envelope in the process. Her eyes scanned over the paper.

_Roxy,_

_I hope you can forgive me for what I have done. I am sorry if you were the one to find me. Please do not let it haunt you._

_You have stood by me our entire lives, no matter what I have previously said. I am more than grateful for everything you done but unfortunately nothing could help heal my broken heart._

_I have one last favour to ask of you; I wrote a letter to Danielle and I want it to be buried with me. If you wish you can read it but I need to have it with me for many reasons which I cannot explain._

_Take care of yourself and Amy, I will always love you both very much no matter where I am._

_Love always,_

_Ronnie._

Roxy put the letter down and waited for the tears to stop before she read the next one. She did not want to ruin it and she was determined to follow Ronnie's last wishes. Finally hours later the stream of tears slowed and she took better care opening Danielle's letter than she did her own. If her letter made her cry she was definitely not prepared for what was written here.

_My dearest darling Danielle,_

_It has now been five years since I found you and then lost you again all within minutes. They say time is supposed to help but I swear every day I have been breaking more and more._

_I want you to know just how much I love you and how much I miss you. I am so sorry for not treating you with the respect that you deserved. I wish I was a better person for you. You looked to me and I rejected you time after time. I would not blame you if you could never forgive me yet it is all I crave._

_I hope to be reunited with you soon and the following is a poem that I read some time ago. I had hoped it would describe what I was feeling but everything was different by the third verse because instead of coming back to life I stayed dead inside. Love Ronnie._

_**As the autumn leaves faded so did you.**_

_**When the cold winter appeared I feared I was gone too.**_

_**But like the slowness of spring I began to warm once again **_

**_And hopefully one day like the flowers each summer I too shall come back to life and feel the pain no more._**

Roxy folded the letter and placed it back in the envelope. She hoped that Ronnie and Danielle were now reunited and finally at peace. They both deserved it.


End file.
